This great piece in the Globe got me thinking about my own relationship track record.
Unlike the author, I have never been anywhere close to marriage. I do, however, leave a trail of several failed serious relationships in my wake — a much, much longer trail than the average person my age (I turn 28 in a few months).
When my most recent relationship ended, one thing that really ate at me was that I can’t seem to ever make it work with anyone. Am I someone who’s inherently difficult to get along with? Am I someone who’s fun and exciting at first, but ultimately unlovable?
A brief recap of my track record:
University Guy: It all just sort of ran its course, and it ended amicably. No hard feelings there. He’s a sweetheart.
Crazy British Guy: An intense whirlwind romance while travelling abroad. He moved to Canada for me after knowing me just a few months. We lived together right away. All very poor decision-making on my part as he is mentally ill, borderline abusive and unable to financially support himself. Not my finest moment.
Long Distance Guy: Shortly thereafter I get together with a wonderful, brilliant, handsome lad. Just as things are getting serious, I’m offered a job across the country. I want him to move here. He hems and haws and hems and haws. Everything falls apart in painful slow-motion. I’ve gleaned from Facebook that he’s with another petite brunette now. Good for him, I suppose.
Seinfeld Shoe Guy: You all know that story by now.
In between there have been smaller-scale failures. Like the skateboard-toting glass blower who deemed himself too “complicated” to date me anymore. Or the welder by day, b-boy by night who didn’t laugh when I nicknamed him “Flashdance.”
In any event, I’ve changed my perspective on this whole “track record” question. I used to think it spoke ill of me, and that past failures point to future failures. Now I see that when I finally do find someone right — and I believe I will, sooner or later — I’ll be better able to discern whether or not he is the real deal. After everything I’ve been though, I know I won’t put up with another millisecond of bullshit.